Do I Have this About Right?

You are a beautiful woman in your middle years, looking ahead to your future. You see the horizon and know that things will be different. Perhaps changes are even nearer than that, and you are starting to do some soul-searching, researching, and preparations. Your future could be right at your doorstep, and you are standing at your crossroads, frozen in indecision. It is good practice to be intentional about navigating changes.

In a thought-provoking blog, “Can a Woman Over 50 Magically Recreate Herself?” Dr. Ceclio Dintino explores how women feel as they move into their fifties. So many have gone through transitions, such as children being born, growing up, and leaving home. There has been illness, death of loved ones, changes in career and divorce. There have also been significant societal shifts and cultural shifts in their lifetime. And let us not forget the ongoing effects of living with a pandemic.

Women in this stage of life can feel anchorless. The writer describes a crisis of vision that so many women face because they have a hard time envisioning their future and how they fit into it. It is good practice to start imagining your future how you want it to be.

Dr. Dintino’s studies show that women over fifty feel invisible to others and themselves. This is the number one complaint of the women who participated in the study.

What has been your experience?

You had children and were instrumental in helping them grow. You chauffeured your children and their friends to school, after-class activities, practices and games. You hopefully had an army you could call on to help when things got wonky, your child was sick, or a meeting was running late.

You may have had a very successful career and were caught up in your work demands and your relationships with your colleagues. Yet you experienced and learned and progressed. You became wiser.

You were very busy and felt pulled in many directions as demands were made on your time and energy.

Full-time motherhood or juggling child-rearing and the job had its moments. You did the best you could.

What is your reality now?

You see your child-rearing responsibilities recede into the rearview mirror even as you take more responsibility for your parent’s well-being. So many parts of the past were challenging. Yet you met those challenges and loved that part of your life.

You may love your career and the feeling of working and contributing to your company, society and family. In addition, you enjoy your relationships with your colleagues and love mentoring and passing on your wisdom and experience.

However, you may still want pieces of all that good stuff but in a slightly different form. For example, you are exploring a different role in your company. Or you are thinking about a new form of working that allows you to use your experience working for someone else - or working for yourself. Finally, you may be feeling a need for a change in scenery.

Or, do you think about the end of the workplace you have known for a long time? Maybe you have ‘quietly quit.’ You are doing your job but are not interested in taking on added responsibilities or doing all the extra things you did in the past. You may be hanging on for the money and the pension, but your heart is not in it. You are experiencing grief as you see the younger people with energy and new ideas, and you know that was you - in the past. You are starting to feel irrelevant.

How are you feeling at this moment?

• You are tired.

• You are weary.

• You have put on some extra weight and are annoyed at needing glasses.

• Your hair may be turning colour, and you feel less attractive.

• Your relationships at work are changing as you don’t have the energy or wish to hang out socially.

• Your relationships with your children are changing. They don’t need you to drive them to soccer practice anymore or cook up a storm, so they have food to take back to their digs as they finish their schooling.

• Your relationship with your partner may be changing. You are shifting from living with the kids to relating with each other in an empty nest.

• You may worry you won’t be needed anymore.

The house is quieter, and you have more time to think. But, instead, your thoughts start to swirl in endless mind-loops. It is like a roller coaster exists in your brain. You are sitting in one of the cars on the ride. Your thoughts are going up and down and around in a constant loop of worry and indecision.

What is next?

It is important to remember the wonderful person you are. You are a beautiful woman who has a wealth of experience behind you. You do not suffer fools easily. You want to find strength and motivation to move forward with joy. And you want to undergo some reinvention to learn to live with passion. You are looking for ideas for moving on to your next stage in life.

In an article in Forbes magazine, “Women Over 50: This is our Moment,” Mika Brzezinski writes: ‘Rather than just hanging on, experience and wisdom translate into our most productive days lying in front of us.” The article explains the creation of a 50 over-50 list of women who fall into rainmakers, visionaries and change makers. I admire women such as:

• Christine Lagarde, President of the European Central Bank,

• Mary May Simon, the Governor General of Canada,

• Janet Yellen runs the United States Treasury.

  These women are incredible examples of success after 50.

But you don’t have to be a star on the world stage to have a happy, successful rest of your life. Think of the women you know and admire, either close-up or from afar. Please take some time to savour what you admire about them. Learn from their example. Then you have to decide what you want to do next.

That’s where I come in.

Changing your view of yourself and your life may sound easy, but also tricky. I can help you understand your challenges and see that you can work your way into new beginnings. Through my writing and the exercises and processes that we develop together, you will begin to experience clarity. I can help you describe what is happening in your brain and your emotional energy field. Then, armed with your insights, you can design a plan to move forward confidently.

Why?

There is much life to live. So why not live it exactly the way you want to? This may be the first time you can live intentionally, with fewer calls on your time and energy. In addition, your experiences of being invisible could benefit you. You can try out different ways of being present without constant scrutiny.

Now, perhaps for the first time, you are in the driver’s seat and can make choices based on who you are and who you want to be. This is a time for personal transformation. But it is also a time for making empowered decisions as you learn who you are and what you want in your new reality. I am excited to witness your growth as you move forward.

On the website Prime Woman, an online magazine, in an article titled: “3 Simple Ways to live life after 50”, the authors recommend:

1. Making the right decisions.

2. Fully embracing the aging process.

3. Feeling empowered from the years of experiences you have lived.
   

   Are you prepared to take up these suggestions?

A Challenge for You:

1. It is essential to take a closer look at your timeline. Start by drawing a line on paper or in an app representing your time from birth until now.

2. Mark off your timeline into segments that make sense to you, and label each.

3. Find a way to represent events that impacted your growth and development along your timeline. They could be negative or positive events. Represent them in a way that helps you see the breadth and depth of the impact on you and your growth.

4. Above and below the line, find a way to represent the people who came into your life and strongly influenced you.

5. Take a step back to get a bird’s eye view of your life on your timeline.

6. Jot down or make an audio recording of what you have learned about yourself and your life. What surprised you? What delighted you? What changes would you like to make going forward?

Please consider sharing a link to this blog or site with people you know who could use it and pass it on to others. Also, please share your thoughts with me. And … I would be appreciative of a coffee and croissant.

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