Those Frustrating Times - A Preamble

Yesterday was one of those days when frustration showed its face. I was working on some technical things for this website and couldn’t find solutions to the problems I wanted to solve. It continued from the day before when I felt I was encountering roadblocks. I was gritting my teeth and ‘working’ my right hand - clear signs that things weren’t going well. I could sense my brain fog, and it felt like I was working through a blue stew.

Everyone has those times. It is a part of life.

But, my goal is to live an intentional life. I want to label and understand my feelings when they occur and recognize the thoughts attached to them. I want to build a toolbox full of good tools to use when working out of loops of negative experiences. Finding solutions and getting on with things confidently and joyfully is much more fun.

So, what is your plan for the next time you feel frustrated?

Sources of Frustration

Elizabeth Scott, Ph. D., wrote an article on the Very Well Mind website titled “How to Deal with Frustration.” She noted that frustration could come from internal or external sources.

To me, frustration is an internal experience. Of course, outside sources can trigger those feelings—such as being unable to understand and resolve a tech issue on my site—but my thoughts about that situation led to the emotions.

As women 55+, we have faced many times of frustration. Some have been short-term, and some have been long-term chronic situations. We have dealt with those times, sometimes successfully and sometimes not well.

As we age, we can feel physically weaker because we are tired from fighting the battles of life. We can also feel emotionally more fragile and battered like a towel on a clothesline could have felt in yesterday’s wind—if it could have feelings.

But … instead of throwing in the towel - pun intended - why not develop a list of tools in your toolbox to pull out when needed, depending on your situation?

Frustration Mind Loops

It is crucial to understand that our thoughts trigger our emotions. Therefore, when we recognize how we feel, we can examine our thinking patterns and, more effectively, deal with those feelings.

We could understand our emotions and what triggers them and seek better-feeling thoughts. We could also take a break.

Yesterday, I knew I was feeling frustrated. I became aware of my physical feelings and habits—the clenching of my teeth, the ‘working’ of my hand. I kept repeatedly clicking on the same things, not getting the desired results. For example, I wanted to change the colour of my blog links but needed help to figure out how. There were other tech issues I tried to sort out.

Loops of negative self-talk were starting to form. My anxiety was increasing, and I blamed Squarespace creators. Ridiculous … and not helpful.

Ladders Out of My Frustration

I have solved many tech issues when building and creating my website in the past, so that was the thought I wanted to pursue. But how do I get out of the spiral of negative feelings?

I took myself for a walk. I live in Wolfville, Nova Scotia. Yesterday was a warm, sunny, and windy day—conditions I generally like to be in. And they were perfect for clearing the cobwebs and sun-washing the adverse feelings away.

There is a dyke system in Wolfville that is needed because the waters from Minas Bay would flood our town. So, I decided to walk what I call the dyke loop, which is roughly 3.8 miles. That was my first long walk of the year.

The dyke itself was bumpy and slippery in spots. The wind was mighty. The connecting road was easy to walk, but getting on the trail parallel to the dyke to get back to my starting point was treacherous because of a build-up of snow and ice. However, the trail did get better as I went along.

The decision to walk was the best decision for me at that time.

It got me out of my head and mind loops. I had physical challenges to face and overcome, and I became stronger because of those challenges. I created a tangible break to return to the task with a clear head. And I came back and solved my tech problem - and a few more. The solutions came quickly. I couldn’t see them before because frustration, mind loops, and stress created an environment where my brain couldn’t find a solution. That is what stress does.

Coping Strategies to Add to Your Toolbox

There is an article on the Mental Health America site called “18 Ways to Cope with Frustration.” It lists some excellent strategies.

Remember, when we are faced with a frustrating situation, our minds can quickly go into overdrive with thoughts that can be self-defeating. Our emotions are triggered; if those emotions are negative, we can become stressed. Stress affects our problem-solving and solution-finding abilities. We do not think clearly under those circumstances.

If we are experiencing brain fog, it is a good idea to do something that helps relax our brain and clear the stress chemicals affecting our ability to solve the problem.

Therefore, you might want to:

• Go for a walk.

• Cook a nice meal.

• Dance to ABBA.

• Knit.

• Nap.

• Scream into your pillow.

• Spend time with your sex toy or make love with your partner.

• Take a shower or bath.

• Read a fluff magazine.

• Watch the Blue Jays play baseball.

• Watch a show on Netflix.

Afterwards, when you return to the frustrating situation, it will look and feel different, and you will be happier with the outcome.

Are you ready to build your toolbox? The time to make it is when you are feeling relaxed, so your thoughts are clear and creative. Women 55+ are wise and creative in solving problems and building resources. I would love to hear about the tools you have identified in your toolbox.

A Challenge For You:

1. Create an environment in which you feel relaxed: Sit by the fire; Picture yourself at the seashore or go by the seaside - even if it is in a restaurant with a view of the water; Put on your favourite relaxing music to loop in the background; Pour a glass of wine or your favourite adult beverage.

2. Get out a piece of paper—large or small. You can also create a workbook or find a brainstorming app on your computer or tablet.

3. Write, type, find pictures or draw things you would like to do to help you out of frustration loops you encounter. Using coloured pencil crayons or markers helps the creativity flow.

4. Have fun with this. In the end, you will have a great resource to go to when experiencing all kinds of stress loops and can’t think clearly. This resource will help you access ways to climb the ladder to a better-feeling place, solve your source of frustration, or cope with that trigger in better ways.

5. Remember: You are amazing!

Please consider sharing a link to this blog or site with people you know who could use it and/or pass it on to others. Also, please share your thoughts with me. And … I would be appreciative of a coffee and croissant.

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